Relationships and the Divine Feminine
I’m working together side by side with my children today. My oldest came up to me and said, "Mommy, I wanted to use colors like you today!" I looked over to see she'd taken one of the sizing tests I’d printed off and colored it. I couldn't be more proud. I'd never have imagined discussing God the Mother with my children when I had my oldest and here we were working and continuing our discussion on Her side by side. Together we pour over Her image, reflect on Her, discuss Her, and feel Her presence. I share scriptures testifying of Her and my daughters soak it up.
Working on this project has been challenging. It has pushed me in many expected ways and in ways that I did not anticipate. It asked me to stretch, to confront my views on how I see and relate to the Divine Feminine. It made me deeply think about and question my beliefs. To see how women were depicted in stories and lessons. To clearly look at gender roles expected of me and the double standards and subtle sexism behind those. I began seeing the unnecessarily restrictive and conflicting rules that don't align with Jesus's teachings, not only directed towards women but also towards the LGBTQ+ community. This deconstruction of beliefs pushed me to grow, reconstruct, and embrace a more loving, inclusive stance. I expected most of this. I felt it's potential before I got started and accepted it. This was a project that would call me to grow and I walked into that experience willingly.
I wasn't expecting this prompt to force me to look closely at my relationship to my mother and my children. I didn't expect it to highlight both the good and the bad that I have experienced. I didn't expect it to highlight moments in my life where I lacked the connection I needed or felt unseen/misunderstood in my family. It's given me time to contemplate the effects of generational trauma, codependency, and the complexities of parenting. It's given me a lot of grace for my own mother alongside a good deal of mourning for the relationship I'd like to have but most likely won't.
I debated about including my mother in this post. I didn't want to seem ungrateful but I realized that I am allowed to be critical of things that were harmful to me even while being grateful for things that were good. To not discuss or bring up this particular hurdle that I faced while working on this piece would be disingenuous and would be a disservice not only to the piece but to my own life experience. It is all wrapped tightly together as part of the creation process. So it was included.
This project has been challenging, has called me to stretch and to struggle but is also given me moments like this today that show me the other side. The relationship I'm fostering with my children steeped in emotional security and validation. A relationship based on a newer, healthier foundation (thanks therapy!). I am not expecting to be perfect but I believe that healing my own wounds will lead to a stronger foundation for my kids. That healing my relationship to the Divine and seeing through clearer eyes will lead to better love and charity in my own person.
