Dysmorphia Self-Portraits

While moving in January I experienced heavy waves of anxiety and depression. The move resurfaced a lot of trauma surrounding past moves, especially surrounding my first marriage and that divorce. It was exhausting to wrestle with. I coped, in part, by drawing various dysmorphic moments I experienced. These exercises in creating self-portraits helped ground and bring me back to the present. As I focused on my dysmorphia and drew it, I found the dysmorphia lessening and my ability to see myself correctly returning.

Eyes are a common trend with my dysmorphia. I catch my reflection and see my eyes shifted to the side, asymmetrical in size, drooping, or even melting if I can see them at all. This has become a signal to me that I’m experiencing a good amount of stress and that I need to take a moment to recenter myself. As I’ve worked on this series I’ve become more aware of my own thoughts and emotions as I've been forced to sit with them, drawing my face and feeling uncomfortable. I've become more curious with myself and those around me through this project. As I’ve worked, it has made the concept of my identity and person being separate from my feelings more of a concrete realization.

These portraits are vulnerable and open, which makes me extremely uncomfortable, but they're me. I'm happy to more fully express, explore, and continue to try to navigate my path to a more authentic, whole me.